


I've Been Waiting (For This Moment) All My Life

by SerialObsessor (ibelieveinturtles)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Immortality, Reincarnation, WinterShock - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10061627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinturtles/pseuds/SerialObsessor
Summary: An ancient sorcerer casts a spell that doesn't work the way it was supposed to..





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd but I've looked at it too many times now.
> 
> Loosely based on this prompt [here](http://writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com/post/157607079876/your-so-is-immortal-and-you-reincarnate-with)

  
**I've Been Waiting (For This Moment) All My Life**

▪▪▪

Throughout all of his countless lives the thing he looked forward to every time was the day they could be together again.

▪▪▪

The first life they had together was tragically short. He was Khemet Rameses, a younger son of a pharaoh's younger son; she was Hadassah, his sister's body slave. It was a romance that was doomed almost from the start. A string of precarious decisions ended with them kneeling in front of an old sorcerer priest swearing eternal and undying love. He promised that they would spend eternity together, always finding each other from one life to the next.

  
It all went wrong, as tales like this always go wrong, and by the time the sun rose he was dead and she was cast out to die also.  
She didn't. Not then, not a year later, not ten years later, not a hundred years later. Not even a thousand years later. She didn't know it at first, but the spell had done it's job, just not in the way it was meant to.

  
As the years passed by the people around her grew older, and it showed - on their faces, in their hair, by their skin. She didn't change. Eventually people noticed, and on a day some fifteen years after she should have died she fled the village before the whispers of witchcraft could turn into howling and screaming.

  
It would not be the first time she had to start a new life.

  
Twenty seven years after she lost her beloved she was in the marketplace when a commotion broke out nearby. The thief knocked her over as he fled with soldiers close behind, except for the one that stopped to help her up.

  
There was no physical resemblance at all to the love that she'd lost, but the moment their eyes met she knew it was him. He'd come back to her.

▪▪▪

The first time he reincarnated he was unaware. The infrequent memories of his previous life manifested as dreams of luxury such as he'd never known, and a beautiful woman who smiled at him. In this life he was just a simple soldier. When he met the woman in the marketplace, he was struck by her resemblance to the girl in his dreams, and on their wedding day he offered up an extra sacrifice to the gods for bringing his dream to life.

  
They had a child, he went to war, came back from war with honours and rank. They had another child, he went to war again, but this time he didn't come back. Her grief at losing him a second time was overwhelming, only their children keeping her grounded in the life they'd built together. They only got ten years.

  
She stayed as long as she could, but her ever youthful face was bound to betray her again eventually. She told her fifteen year old son the whole story before faking her death and leaving him and his sister forever.

▪▪▪

It happens again. This time she's playing ladies maid to a newly wed young noblewoman and he, again, is a soldier in the lord's small private army. They meet, fall in love, have a life together until he dies in battle serving his lord. She's heartbroken again, but this time there's hope that she'll see him again. She starts planning.

  
She find him a third time. A fourth time. She always recognises him through his eyes but realises he doesn't remember her - how could he? She'll take what she can get, and before she knows it hundreds of years and several lifetimes have passed her by.

  
It's his fifth or sixth incarnation before he really realises that his dreams aren't just dreams.

There's always the same woman in different clothing, in different places and different times. He knows he loves this woman, and when he meets her in the flesh one sunny afternoon, he feels like maybe those dreams are real after all. This culture doesn't believe in reincarnation but he talks to the priests, studies myths and legends from other lands. The results are mixed but his belief that he has lived before strengthens. He starts to look for clues, trains himself to try and make the memories stronger, all the while realising that there's no way she could possibly know who he is, and why should she believe him anyway? He has a different face in every life while she stays the same.

▪▪▪

They rarely get a long life together in those early centuries. He is always a soldier and there is always a war. Even if there wasn't war there is plague, famine, drought and a thousand other forms of death. He wonders what she does when he's not there, because she's alone more than they're together. Sometimes he wonders if he should tell her he remembers, but there never seems to be a right time. Or maybe he's really a coward, and is too scared of how she will react.

  
Eventually, about a dozen lives in, they're in a place where he's not a soldier, and they get the full lifetime that they've never experienced. He still says nothing because he doesn’t want to risk losing it. They have children again for the first time since his first reincarnation, and somehow, she looks just as old as he does by the end. He dies of old age for the first time, surrounded by family, and holding his beloved's hand. He gathers his courage and tells her “I'll see you in the next life,” as he slips away. It never even crosses her mind that he means his next reincarnation and not the afterlife. (He makes a point of telling her this at the end of every life after that one, if he can. She slowly catches on, but thinks that it's only the approach of death that opens his mind to the memories of past lives.)

  
She lost track of their first family long ago, but this family - this family she vows to keep watch over. They thrive and spread over the centuries, and not only does she see her physical descendants, but she is starting to recognise the reincarnations of other people she has been close to. She also meets other immortals (including the old sorcerer priest), and the lessons they teach her are invaluable.

  
It's hard for a woman in any time or place, but she learns how to blend in and when to stand out. She learns the tricks of altering her appearance, provides herself with ways to survive - and thrive - when she is on her own and the centuries turn into millennia. She discovers that she can't die - even the most mortal of wounds heals itself eventually - and that discovery brings a whole new parcel of problems for her to deal with. She keeps careful notes of the lives she and her beloved have together, using dead, forgotten languages from her first life to keep secret journals so that she doesn't forget.

▪▪▪

They both watch the world evolve with fascination. There are things that make them weep, things that make them angry, things that bring them more joy than they could ever have believed was possible.

  
They live in so many different places. They cross mountains, sail oceans, follow each other to new lands, and marvel at the wonders of the world. There are good lives, and bad ones, and ones that are barely starting before they end in sometimes spectacular fashion. He often ends up in the middle of world changing events, and so she follows him, wherever he goes.

  
The cleverness of the human race provides the most wonder. They see the beginnings of paper, glass blowing, countless architectural advances, mirrors, the crossbow. Stirrups for horses (and didn't that make riding so much easier!) There’s block printing, followed eventually by movable type. Pianos, flying shuttle looms, the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution, trains, steamboats, cars.

  
Another century turns. They are together again. Another war breaks out. She loses him again. This time it is particularly difficult - they only had each other for a few months, and now she's left alone and expecting a child that she hadn't planned for. It's not her financial or marital situation that makes it so hard though - the last century (millennium) has been a difficult one and they've been apart more than they've been together. She is emotionally exhausted, and breaks down soon after her daughter is born. The child is taken from her, and she is taken away to be locked up for her madness. (It's not the first time and she's sure it won't be the last.)

  
Somehow the ancient sorcerer knows that she's in trouble, and returns to give her aid. He assists with her release from the asylum and then tells her that he might have found a way to fix what went wrong. She is too heartsick and angry to listen; doesn't think it is possible and tells him she never wants to see him again.

  
It's getting harder in this new world to create new lives, and she flees to the other side of the world again. She knows that there's no escape.

▪▪▪

He's about fifteen when the memories start to come back. His last death weighs on him heavily and he starts watching for her. His memories tell him she's always there, somewhere. When he finally does see her again, it's two days after he's gotten his draft papers. This, and this alone, means that he has second thoughts about whether or not he should be in her life yet. He turns the other way and goes off to basic training thinking that as much as he misses her, he doesn't want to put her through all that pain again, but then he's home on leave before shipping out to the war. By chance, (except it's never really by chance - not when they've found each other in every single life that he reached manhood) a friend of a friend introduces them - “This is my pal Bucky, Eleanor here is my uncle's secretary,” - and once again he can't leave her. Except that he has to. He gets two weeks with her, and their parting is bittersweet, because this time he isn't careful about the words he uses when he says goodbye. He can see how fragile she's become, and she's fought it as much as he has this time, but he wants to give her as much reassurance as he can.

  
“I'll come back to you,” he says. “I will always come back to you, in this life or the next. You will see me again. I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you, in every life we have together. Hold on for me sweetheart - I have so much to tell you when I get back.”

  
The whistle blows, he kisses her with fierce determination and he's on the train before her confused brain catches up. She stares in shock as he waves at her from the window when the train pulls away. She can't believe that he meant what she heard him say, it's not possible.

  
She's not sure what do with this life that she's living now. She’s spent some time with his friend Steve, whom she recognises from many past lives, but he joins the army too and soon she can't handle it any more. She decides to leave. Then Steve shows up on her doorstep - and he's changed - to let her know that he's headed overseas very soon, and does she have any messages she'd like him to give Bucky if he sees him.

  
“What happened to you?” she asks him.

  
“Um, classified. Sorry.”

  
He's still the same awkward duckling underneath the new muscles.

  
She considers his request, and makes a decision. She finds a piece of paper and an envelope. She thinks hard for a few minutes while Steve waits patiently, then with a quick, careful hand she writes a message only her first love would understand. She seals it into the envelope and hands it over. Then she thinks again.

  
“Do you still have that perfect memory thing?” she asks.

  
“Actually it's even better now,” he nods.

  
She turns to the small bookshelf in the corner of her tiny apartment and pulls an ancient book out. When she puts it on the table it naturally falls open to a page towards the back. She points to a picture.

  
“If for some reason you can't give him the letter, draw this for him.”

  
He looks at the ancient drawing, gives her a curious look and nods. She can tell he has questions but he holds his tongue. His time is up, but before he leaves she gives him a long hug.

  
“Stay safe,” she whispers, and then he's gone.

▪▪▪

News from the front is intermittent. She hears that Bucky has gone missing - captured - then that he's been rescued and then finally the telegram that she'd been dreading. Bucky is gone - officially he's MIA because they couldn't recover a body - and now she just has to wait. It will be the longest she has ever waited.

▪▪▪

She calls herself Darcy now, because it sounds just like the pet name he'd called her in that long ago life. She's got another new life, and it is at both times the strangest and the most normal she's ever lived. Normal because she's being a normal person, doing normal things. She's immersed herself in normal because it grounds her.

  
Strange because Thor!! omfg. Strange because aliens attacking New York. Strange because Steve is back - and not reincarnated back either, but frozen in ice for 65 years back. (She had her suspicions when she found out about Erskine and his super serum, and when she finally found a photograph… that damn sorcerer.) Strange because there are so many familiar souls surrounding her now. Some she hasn't seen for more than one or two millenia.

  
She's been lost the last 60 odd years - since the war, since she lost Bucky. She can count on one hand the times she's had to wait anywhere near this long between his reincarnations and she's worried.

  
So worried that when Steve recognises her, instead of claiming an uncanny resemblance to a grandmother, she breaks down and confesses. She tells him everything, as well as her suspicions that he too may now be immortal. He's only got her word for it though, and it will be a while before they will know for sure.

  
He's angry and suspicious, and finds it difficult to take in. He leaves before she gets to the part about Bucky reincarnating and she doesn't see him again until after London. (More aliens! When will it end?)

  
When Steve comes to see her after London he's more willing to listen to what she has to tell him. He finally tells her how Bucky fell from the train. Certain death she thinks as Steve says it, but then why hasn't he come back? Steve won't answer any of her other questions, so she doesn't know if Bucky got her letter or if Steve had to draw the picture for him. She holds on to the knowledge that he always comes back. He's been saying that to her for more than a thousand years now. “I'll come back to you, or I'll see you in the next life.” And then there were the last words he said to her, at the train station.

  
On his next visit Steve brings the Black Widow with him and Darcy recognises her straight away, although it takes her a while to realise who she was - it's been a long time since she's seen this particular soul. And it's then that she realises that this lifetime has been filled with more old souls than she's seen come together since the fall of the Roman Empire, and they're all from her most tumultuous lives, including most the most important people from that first life.

  
Jane is the reincarnation of her sister, Steve was her prince's bodyguard, Natasha was the sister whose slave she had been. (In fact, Darcy realises that she's been some sort of royalty every time she's seen her since - even now she's the queen of what she does)).) Pepper too was always royalty - in that life she had been a princess and cousin to the queen - and one of the few people who had supported her son's choice of bride. This was the first time in over 3000 years that Darcy had seen her.

  
They weren't the only connections to her past lives. Tony Stark is not only her descendant of several generations but he's also the reincarnation of her first son. When she starts looking she finds even more. Almost every important person currently in her life is a reincarnation of someone who has been important to her in a past lifetime. The only ones who are missing are the ones who were against them. That worries her even more.

  
She starts watching for more returned souls but they're nowhere to be found. She talks to Natasha about her suspicions, but before they can do anything disaster strikes again.

  
She's not ready for it, and she’s even less ready for the blurry pictures of Steve's fight on the bridge, and the ever so brief phone call telling her “It was Bucky - I don't… I don't know how Darcy, but it's him. He's back.”

  
She wants to go straight to DC but Jane holds her back. “You need to be patient. You've waited this long, you can wait a little bit more.”

  
Darcy doesn't agree, but she stays and bides her time. They watch the destruction on the news channels, and when Natasha calls with the news that Steve's in hospital Darcy leaves immediately. Jane doesn't try to stop her this time.

  
She recognises Sam as a soul that has been her brother several times straight away. They take shifts by Steve's bedside until he wakes up, and then Darcy hears the whole story. How Bucky didn't know who Steve was. How he tried to kill him. How he saved him.

  
She doesn't know what to think. How could he possibly remember her over 60 lifetimes when he doesn't even remember Steve after one. (None of them know about the torture, the brainwashing or the memory wipes yet.) She goes home in despair.

▪▪▪

The memories come back slowly at first. That he's a person, who he was, what happened to him, what he's done.

  
He wakes up one morning and remembers Steve. His whole life before floods his brain and he lies on the floor overwhelmed by his memories. It takes weeks to sort them out, and he realises there are still gaps scattered here and there. The next flood is of the dark years that he was their tool. These memories he could do without.

  
Then he remembers a life that he's sure isn't his - there's a beautiful woman laughing, brothers that betray him, his life blood seeping out onto the floor.

  
Months pass and he dreams of other lives that can't possibly be his. But the same woman is in all of them, smiling, laughing, loving. Loving him. Sometimes she holds a babe, sometimes she does not. He doesn't understand these dreams, but a part of him knows that if he can just find the key, then the entire meaning of his own existence will be unlocked.

  
And then comes the day that he has a sudden flashback whilst wandering through the marketplace of a foreign city that is familiar yet unknown. He’s looking at a stall aimed at tourists, with its gaudy jewellery and fake artifacts. Except that artifact, right there, is real, and he almost can’t breathe from the shock.

  
_He's in the camp after Steve rescued them from Azzano. Steve is giving him a letter. At first glance it makes no sense and then a memory floats to the top of his mind and he has hope._

  
As soon as he recovers from the flashback he grabs his bag and leaves. The most important gaps in his memory have been filled. He doesn't know how he'll find her, but he knows how to find Steve, and he's aware of who Steve knows. He hopes that they'll be able to help but if they can't, he'll do it alone.

▪▪▪

Darcy is hard at work in the lab. Some days she thinks it's the only thing keeping her sane. On those days, she doesn't even know why she's still here, until she recovers and remembers how many old friends and family are here with her.

  
She doesn't hear the elevator door chime or the lab door open. She doesn't realise she's not alone any more until a voice speaks, and it takes her a moment to realise it’s not the name she’s using right now (similar, but not the same), but a name she hasn't heard for nearly three and a half thousand years. She hears it again.

  
“Dassi.”

  
She's frozen and can't move. There's a strange sensation on her face and she realises it's tears. She turns slowly, and he's standing right there. She vaguely registers that Steve is right behind him, Natasha and Sam hovering protectively a little further down the hall.

  
“You know me?” is all she can get out, and he reaches her just as she collapses. He’s holding her, whispering frantically in her ear as if he wants to say everything at once.

  
“I know you. I remember you, I remember all of them,” he says, holding her so tight that she almost can't breathe but she hasn’t felt this secure for a very long time.

  
They cling to each other, and she barely notices when they're surrounded by worried and helpful friends. He swings her into his arms and carries her to her suite. They stay there for hours.

  
It’s going to take time for them get to know each other again, but this time, they’ve got time. She can see that he’s got the same whatever-it-is that Steve has (and now she needs to track down that damn sorcerer so he can tell her what he did this time!)

  
They stand between a cliff and a precipice - the lives they've already lived behind them, and a whole new life stretched out before them. There's still trouble to come, she's sure of it, but for the first time she knows that he'll be by her side forever.

 

▪▪▪

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr, if you're interested, is  
> [ibelieveinturtles](http://ibelieveinturtles.tumblr.com/)


End file.
